Welcome to Chaos: The Schizophrenic Christian’s Prayer
By Kay DeVries
We’ve been having this little reader/ writer relationship going on for more than eight weeks. In Grace College time, we should really be getting engaged. But now we’re going to have a “define the relationship” moment, and I’m going to let you in on something personal.
A few months ago, I started praying what I now refer to as The Schizophrenic Christian’s Prayer. I have it on a notecard in my room as a reminder. It says, “God, do whatever it takes to make me into the Christ-like woman you want me to be…. no matter how many times I tell you I’ve changed my mind.”
This is what happens: I get super spiritual one week, and I start asking God to work in my life. And I’m all “Woohoo! God’s gonna make me more like him!” But then things start getting hard, and God starts working in those areas of my life where I don’t really want him messing around. Usually he works on my pride or discontentment in being single. (We’re being honest here, remember?) And suddenly, I’m thinking, “Shoot, God, didn’t mean it like that. Never mind. No need to work in me. I’ll figure it out on my own.” It sounds silly even to me, but that’s literally what goes through my head.
I swing back and forth between knowing the spiritual purifying is good for me, and wishing I had prayed for just a pony. But I know that with every rough week and every trial that comes, I become a better me. I’ve accepted the fact that some days I’m going to want to take back my radical prayer, but every time I pray it, I become more Christ-like and able to point more people to the amazing, life-changing God that I serve.
