Grace Considering Revolutionary BuzzFeed Degree
By Eric Totheroh
Grace Considering Revolutionary BuzzFeed Degree
In an effort to decrease the cost of schooling even further, Grace College has begun talks with popular news aggregate, BuzzFeed, to offer a revolutionary new college experience.
The new program, tentatively named “BuzzImagined,” will consist of reading various BuzzFeed articles pertaining to the particular field the student wishes to pursue. Each article will replace a course offered through the school, significantly cutting down the time needed to receive credits.
“As we examined the horizon of higher education, it became clear that there was no other option but to pursue this list format,” said Grace College President Bill Katip. “Other schools have online programs, but no one else is partnering with the leading social media buzz generator like we are.”
The three-year program currently offered by Grace has provided students with an affordable college experience in a condensed timeframe, cutting costs for students. However, with costs of maintaining a college still on the rise, Grace faculty began brainstorming possible alternatives. Upon scrolling through their newsfeed, and seeing link after link to BuzzFeed, the popular “news” outlet, inspiration struck.
Students will no longer be asked to pay room and board while pursuing their BuzzImagined degrees. Instead, they may be forced to lose some friends, as each article must be shared through Facebook or Twitter once completed. A few friends are a fair trade for cheap education, especially considering that the new BuzzImagined diplomas are all pictures of dogs “who just can’t.”
Course articles are still in their nascent forms, naturally, but course titles have been leaked. Education majors can look forward to reading “These 24 Cats in Glasses Will Make You Remember Why You Became a Teacher” as the capstone to their studies, while the rigorous “13 Questions Teachers Are Tired of Answering” will be a reality check for those who didn’t think of the inquisitive nature of other humans.
“Will it be hard for students looking to get onto the accelerated track? Of course it will. But we know that if students are dedicated to pursuing their dreams, they can spare 30-40 minutes mindlessly clicking related links and watching gifs,” stated Jonah Peretti, a man who truly believes BuzzFeed has a higher purpose.
A huge concern with this new program is whether or not Grace will still retain the core classes and strong biblical influence. Article/Course titles such as “These 13 Epistles Were Written by the Apostle Paul” and “How Arminian Are You?” should lay those fears to rest. An anonymous report also suggests that the words “Will Inspire You” appear in every article title other than the ones mentioned here.
At press time, board members were securing a Seminary program through the popular website Upworthy.
This article is entirely satirical. If you actually believe this information is accurate, you should probably spend more time outside.
