Words of Wisdumb
by Brock and Brunner
Well, congratulations on nearly making it through the first session of the fall semester. The only thing standing between you and the FREEdom of fall break is a few pesky exams. We have learned a thing or two when it comes to tackling these egregious assessments. First, our “Professor Impressor” article should have gotten you off to a good start. However, it is important to remember the words of Laurence J. Peter: “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.” Honestly, we have no idea what this quote means . . . but that means that we do know that we don’t know what it means, so we do know something! Take the heart of this quote, rip it out, and transplant it into your approach to finals week. Accept that you don’t know what you think you know, and that you do indeed know what you don’t think you know. Therefore, studying is useless. You already know the stuff you weren’t in class to hear and you will know everything you didn’t study for on the exam. If you went to class, paid attention, and studied all night for your tests, then you are doomed! Just head on out for fall break now because there is no way you will have the grades necessary to continue a college education. In all reality, it is the “non-studyers” who are actually studying. There are a lot of really successful people who never studied for a single college exam: Custer, LeBron James, King Richard the Lionheart, Robin Hood, Snooki, Justin Bieber, and that weird little rat guy from the Ninja Turtles. All of these people are really successful and never studied for an exam, but because of the truth in Mr. Peter’s quote, they did actually study. In fact, Custer did such a good job of not studying that he finished last in his class at West Point and is known around the world for his military genius. So don’t fret about finals week. Take a deep breath and do nothing. Who knows — you may not study so hard that you’ll be the next George Armstrong Custer! Make us proud. And remember D stands for Degree.
Some of you may be wondering if we are serious about this…of course not. That would be ridiculous. We use the scientifically proven method of osmosis. If you are unfamiliar with osmosis read a science textbook. Wait! Just set the book on your head and let the learning begin. This is how Brock and Brunner have achieved a combined GPA of 0.91…whatever GPA stands for.