Words Of WisDumb
Congratulations, seniors! We’ve made it! We’ve crossed the finish line. We’ve fought the good fight. We’ve conquered the academic world. Now, we’ve entered the heartless, dog-eat-anything-it-can-get-its-paws-on world out there. Let the rat race begin! Guys, remember that one time when you got a job in the field in which you majored? Yeah, neither do we. Perhaps soon. Like 2015. Ladies, if you don’t have your MRS degree by now, you’ve wasted $100,000. Okay, not really. You have received a quality education and several thousand dollars’ worth of student loans, plus interest. Aren’t you excited?
Graduation is a lot like Shawshank Redemption. No, seriously. Hear us out. Also, spoiler alert. There are two parallel scenarios in the movie to the graduation of a senior: either things are so desperate that it’s like escaping prison by crawling through sewers, or they come to a point where you’re set free and don’t know how to adjust to society. Those whose grade point averages surpass the accumulated number of hours they spent outside their dorm rooms, Alpha Dining and the library can easily identify with Morgan Freeman’s struggle to assimilate back to real culture. On the other hand, if you did not know Grace has a library and you are genuinely surprised you had enough credits to graduate (whatever credits are), then you can relate to the character who crawls through the sewer to reach freedom. The important thing to remember is that both of you reached the “other side.” Graduating seniors, we have all made it, but let’s be honest, the fun and games are over. It is time to put on your khaki pants and sweater vests and go to work. You can no longer come back and hang around on the campus, because that would be weird, and there are already enough people who do that. Youth Ministry majors, don’t try to be the cool college kid anymore. You need to accept the fact that after May 11, 2013, you go down about three rungs on the “cool ladder.” (There is research to support this seemingly unfounded assertion about your lower status on the cool ladder, but you can just take our word for it.) Math majors, you were never on the cool ladder. Education majors, you need to realize that you have been a pain in the butt to all your professors because you thought you knew everything about teaching. . .and now it is your turn to have cocky punks in class. Music majors, you don’t exist. Business majors, everyone is secretly jealous of you because you are going to be making bank. Accounting majors, get us some of the business majors’ money. Nursing majors, we don’t ever see you. Finally, counseling majors, be nice to us when we come to you will all our problems in ten years, if not sooner.
Lastly, thanks for supporting Brock and Brunner over the past couple of years. If you didn’t support us, thanks for staying quiet about it. We’re just happy to offer our advice, since we know our words are worth their weight in gold and you all hang onto every one of them. It’s been a good run, but higher and better callings await us. Farewell, Grace College! May you forever remain in Winona Lake, IN!