Words of Wisdumb
by Brock and Brunner
We are certain that you are aware of the phenomenon known as a “fire drill.” This may strike any one emotion or mix of a variety of emotions in your very soul. We are here to inform you that you are not to fear! Fire drills are not our enemies, but our friends.
A wise and/or oft-quoted man once said, “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.” Therefore, we believe fires are essential in the college dorm. We are paying for our education, are we not? A select amount of our tuition is going toward room and board, is it not? Why not, then, enhance our own academics through not filling pails, but lighting fires? We are not quite 100% certain why lighting fires is educational; however, we believe that may be because we have not lit enough fires ourselves. We do have some ideas about what this could mean as far as our current understanding goes.
First, we need to discuss the initial half of the quote—the part about the pails. This is why Jack and Jill fell down the hill. They were filling a pail with water. Obviously, that was a stupid idea. Conclusion: don’t fill pails. Now, it is time to elaborate on the important part—the part about the fires. One must be proactive in his education, and education—as we have already established—requires one to light fires. Our conclusion, then, is simple: light fires. This has other implications, though. When a fire alarm goes off in the dorm, one should not be angry, upset, furious, frustrated, annoyed, bothered, livid, or enraged. One should be pleased to know that someone has furthered his/her education. Also, it is preparation for others (or yourself) to become more educated. One could see it as a figurative and literal wake-up call.
On a side-note, since we have already discussed how to respond to a fire alarm emotionally, one should also know how to properly respond to it physically. Make sure to gather all of your toiletries, keepsakes, shoes, electronic devices, and food items to take with you before you exit your room. You may have heard it said that everyone should calmly and quietly exit the building in a single-file line. This, as we all know, is completely unrealistic. Charge down the hallway to the nearest exit, making as much noise as possible, instilling as much fear in others as possible, and plowing over any who dare to get in your way. Once you find yourself in the safety of the outdoors, feel free to go to a friend’s dorm or drive to McDonald’s for a snack; there is really no need to stick around, especially if it’s cold outside.
We hope this has been helpful for you and that you are able to implement these ideas in the near future. Remember to enjoy every moment of every fire drill, for it is simply a sign that someone is finally learning. Go light your world!