Black Friday Shopping

by Julia Marsh

Do you enjoy Black Friday shopping? Or are you one of the many people who are afraid to enter into the world of crazy, trampling chaos? Whether you’ve been shopping the day after Thanksgiving or not, here is a list that will help you understand the holiday a little better, just maybe not the people who do it!

You’re probably Black Friday shopping if…

*your cashier tells you to have a good night and it’s only 7 a.m.

*it feels like dinner time and the sun is just coming up

*you can’t see out your rear-view mirror because of all the bags in the trunk

*you accidentally refer to every number as a dollar amount

*it suddenly seems that the world’s population is 90% female and only 10% male

*you have a new appreciation for sunlight

*you think seven dollars is too expensive for a DVD

*you have heard “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” six times in the last hour by four different artists

*you are thankful that the line you just waited in took only 20 minutes

*you cannot seem to pull yourself out of the chair in the furniture section

*the stack of ads and coupons in your shopping cart is bigger than your favorite five-volume encyclopedia

*the lights in the department store momentarily dim when you slide your credit card through the register

*your Applebee’s bill is more than you paid for that TV you just bought

*you have hat hair from the Santa hat you’ve been wearing all day

*a candle is scented “warm vanilla,” “cinnamon and spice,” or “fresh pine,” and you can’t even smell it anymore

*you are visiting Steak ‘N’ Shake during happy hour when it’s dark outside

*the mental image you have of yourself as you run down the aisles pushing your cart looks similar to that of an Olympian athlete training for the triathlon

*you see two people from church in a fist fight over a free tote bag